Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Military Moving Madness

Nobody rocks a relocation better than a military wife. 

I got to see that firsthand this week, when I spent a half hour chatting with Janet and Emily of the Army Wife Network. We talked about moving (PCSing in Army wife lingo), getting kids adjusted to a new home, and some of the funny and not-so-funny things that happen when you pick up and move your life from one place to another.

Some of their experiences moving for the military were not so different from my civilian moves. We all experienced unpacking garbage cans with the garbage still in them (I forgot to mention the time I unpacked an ashtray with ashes still in it), nuts and bolts for beds going AWOL (As I say in Home Sweet Homes what started out as a bunk bed became just a pile of lumber), and having precious possessions lost and broken. The only difference is, these women have done it a lot more than me.

While we were on the air swapping stories about moving, other team members of the  Army Wife Network were busy hosting a Twitter party and taking Facebook comments on the subject. The Facebook convo centered around “the biggest PCS lesson you’ve learned.”

I had to share some of the lessons these ladies have learned. If you didn't already have an overwhelming pride of our military and their families for the sacrifices they make for the rest of us, you will now.

Tracy: Do you have a game plan for your PCS? Great! Now scrap it bc the Army has their own plans and it will be nothing like yours!

Cindy: Biggest PCS lesson: Don't wait until you have paper orders to start decluttering and packing!

Lori: Make sure the dishwasher is empty. Just sayin’.

Cortney: I’ve learned that it is possible to pack 2500 square feet of stuff in one week. Always stock beer and pizza for movers and anyone who helps load. Always pack the safe in the car. A DITY move may be miserable while doing it but, you can use the money from it to get a massage.

Valerie: Never ever PCS without a spool of 550 cord! It makes an EXCELLENT shower curtain ring set substitute when you arrive in a new home but have no way to hang that shower curtain. Can be used to rig up a mattress when the bed slates are MIA. For a pet leash upon discovering the movers packed those. Or a pet tie out too. For an impromptu clothesline when you had to hand wash a few things and now need to dry. And of course to securely strap down all the 'extra stuff' we seem to wind up with after the moving truck has pulled away and now we need to try to stuff into already overstuffed vehicles!  Yup - 550 cord - a PCSing spouses best friend!

Alice: Never let your husband’s co-workers organize and load the truck. They may be able to fit a years worth of gear into a shoe box but give them an empty 26-foot trailer and it is chaos!

Julie: Getting a bigger U-Haul or two big ones next time. We’re a family of 9, yes 7 kids and have a lot of stuff! One wasn't enough! And to try and keep calm n label things during a pcs move!

Joan: Be very nice to the movers.

Terri: Keep the key to the lock on the moving truck in your pocket - Don't hand it to your spouse or anyone else for that matter. You will have NO idea where it is when you arrive and end up having to get a lock cutter only to find the key shortly after you've just cut the lock off.  Also . . . always take pictures before loading and after unloading. You never know what you might find. We don't smoke but our packers did and must have mistaken our tote for garbage.

Rhonda: To remember what is important. Furniture gets broken, household goods disappear, but those can all be replaced. The important thing to me is, if we are PCSing, we are still all together and healthy, planning our next adventure as a family!

Shalee: Make sure you get a big enough truck!!! Had to leave a lot on the curb and a friend had to bring us a truckload. Better to have too much room then not enough.

Teresa: Don’t be shy. Meet your neighbors. They can help you and you might help them. Whatever you're experiencing, your not the first, or the last.

Stephanie: Remember that once a friend always a friend and a lifelong one at that. You may not chat on the phone all the time but when you PCS cross country and need someone to check out a neighborhood for you as they live/lived there once. Don't hesitate to reach out so that you know what you are getting into. We have all been there once and are more than happy to help out.

Sylvia: Make sure that the 'necessities' are really necessities. We had what we thought were just necessities to take with us which was a small trailer with a microwave and our inflatable beds, etc., so that we could cook while we waited for our goods when we finally moved into our home, but it ended up taking up all the space when we finally figured out how much we really could have let the packers take. We thought keeping a 'few things' wouldn't be so much, but it was! So PURGE, PURGE, PURGE!

Julie: If you feed the movers, and give them dessert, they will do anything for you!

Kim: Any sense of control goes out the window the second orders are stamped.

Montana: Thoroughly check your belongings for creepy crawlies, after they've been in storage! A spider bite on your butt is not a welcoming PCS gift! OUCH!!

Kimberly: Always stay at a hotel with a pool so the kids can get all their energy out after a long day of driving towards the new duty station.

Megan: Always make sure you have a pair of shoes! The packers packed all my shoes last time except one flip flop!

Karen: I learned that I have to pack as early as I can instead of last minute b/c then it'll be too stressful on me.

A big thank-you to all who listened in to the show and all the Army wives who participated in the Twitter party and Facebook chatter. You can listen to the show on  Army Wife Talk Radio anytime.

~~~

If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Get Ready to Be a Tourist at Home


As soon as I get organized, I’m going to start telling you about my Tourist at Home thing. Right now it’s a thing, because it’s too small to be a movement, and too undeveloped to be a project. My Tourist at Home 30-Day Challenge is going to be a blast, as soon as I can stop having so dang much fun myself to stop and tell you about it. To coordinate other people’s fun, apparently you have to stop gallivanting around town yourself.

The idea is to spend 30 days exploring your city, whether you’re a newbie or a lifelong resident, and discovering all the things that tourists find fascinating. Sometimes, especially if you’ve lived in the same town for many years, you might be even less acquainted with what is around you. There is fun and adventure, history and uniqueness right under your nose. Too often, the only people in on the action are visitors and people who have just moved in.

When we lived in New Jersey, just outside Philadelphia, we must’ve gone into the city to see the Liberty Bell at least eight times, not counting the times we took visitors. My next-door neighbor, Gina, would call out to me as we were filing into the mini-van, “Going to the Liberty Bell again?”

“Yep.”

I’d invite her to come along and she’d laugh and go back in the house. Gina was born in South Philadelphia and had lived within a 20-minute drive from Independence Hall her entire life, and she had never seen the Liberty Bell.

“Gina,” I’d tell her, “you realize, don’t you, that school kids from all over the country come here on buses, full of teen BO, spilled juice boxes and tears, just to see the Liberty Bell. Teachers and chaperones risk their lives and sanity to see the Liberty Bell. Hell, even I have to close my eyes and floor it to get into the right lane after I cross the Ben Franklin, just to see the Liberty Bell.”

Gina would look at me with pity and a little derision, laugh and go back into the house.

I was used to teasing for being a “tourist in my own backyard.”  Because we were constantly moving, we saw each new city, in its turn, as an exciting adventure just waiting for us to explore. We would see all the interesting places, start bragging about what a great city we had just moved to, and then the visitors would start arriving. And we’d be in a good position to show them around.

This week our Florida friends came to visit and we did many of the obligatory San Francisco tourist spots. I don’t know who had more fun, our visitors or my husband and I. The giant camera I carry around completes the picture.

In the next couple of weeks I’ll be unleashing my Tourist at Home 30-Day Challenge. So here’s your heads-up: Check out the list and start planning your 30 days of adventure. Post photos on our Facebook page or on Twitter using the hashtag #touristathome. I hope to see photo evidence of your fabulous views, museums, historic sites and monuments. And could someone in South Jersey please go into Philadelphia? I want to see my old friend the Liberty Bell.

~~~

If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A Little Bribery Goes a Long Way

I heard from a super nice Realtor from South Carolina this week and in telling me about her move from Ohio with two - count ‘em two - teenagers, she told me about the bribes.

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We’ve all done it, haven’t we? Worrying about the kids is the hardest thing about a move. If it weren’t for them and their precious stability, self-esteem and security we could rock a relocation, am I right? My concern for my kids during our moves had me a nervous wreck, I have to admit. I was more worried about their first day at the new school, specifically the 30 seconds that they walked into the cafeteria with their tray and stood looking for a table, than I was about the neighbor who may or may not have been a registered sex offender.

So . . . bribes? Heck, yes.

Here’s what Cathy, my new South Carolina Realtor friend, said:

“Oh the bribing that occurred . . . We bought iPods and a souped-up golf cart and even a piercing - LOL! Now looking back it’s comical but it was as stressful as it was exciting.”

What? No tattoos?

I wish I had thought of the golf cart. I promised a pool, then a bigger, better, in-ground pool, both on which I made good. Those were followed by a trampoline and a treehouse, which I backed out on. The trampoline is still brought up by my daughter 14 years later as a sign of my deceptive parenting. The treehouse I had to nix because, while we had a beautiful wooded lot behind our house in New Jersey, that lot was inhabited by black bears, which I was told could climb trees better than a monkey or two middle-school kids hanging out in their cool treehouse.

Giving your child a golf cart or a tree-death-house to soothe the sting of a move is perfectly acceptable. I’m not even sure it counts as a bribe, by definition. It’s more of a prize. Or a reward. Or a get-well-soon gift.

What you’re really doing is saying, “I know this move is going to be hard for you. But there’s a bright side to every life event. In this case, if you weren’t moving, you’d never get this brand new iPhone5!” And they’ll get the unspoken rest of the sentence:  “. . . which you’ll get if you stay positive and don’t whine too much.”

What you want to be careful of, however, is to keep it in the bribe column and out of the blackmail category. I’ve had some tough moves, but I’m proud to say I never threatened to show my kids’ friends their toddler naked bathtub photos if they didn’t help me pack.

Have you ever resorted to outright bribery to get your kids to be happy about a move? Or are you too ashamed to go public with it? Come on! Spill it!

~~~

If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.


Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Adventures of a First-Time House Buyer

If you've ever gone through the home-buying process, you can relate to the story you're about to read. And if you've ever bought a home, moved, celebrated the holidays with family out of town, gone on a Maui honeymoon, had your car transmission go kaput, and discovered your new home sits on a tree-root-rotting mess - all in about a month's time - then you can really relate to this story.

Lauren and Aaron are a newly married couple whose optimism was put to the test during their home buying and moving adventure. Fortunately, they passed the test with flying colors and can now laugh about their experience.

And you all know how I feel about finding humor in even the worst situations! Here's Lauren and Aaron's story, as told by Lauren, a now-experienced home buyer.

My husband Aaron and I recently bought our first house together! This was icing on the cake after our May 2013 wedding and our scheduled 10-day honeymoon in Maui, which was planned for Dec. 6. We were moving from Seattle to Gig Harbor, Washington, which is only about an hour drive away and we hired a professional moving company to pack and move our things.

It began with a 30-day escrow from us securing the purchase of the house on Nov. 5  at 11 p.m. with a set closing date of Dec. 5, because on Dec. 6 we were already booked to go on our  honeymoon to Maui. We asked the sellers if we could close on the house upon our return and they said no, it needed to be done before we left. The sellers were professional flippers and they had taken our 1980s built house and made it look all pretty  and brand new on the inside in a matter of three months and couldn't wait to get it off their books and move onto the next flip.

Up until 6 p.m. on Dec. 4 we had no idea if the bank was going to approve our loan in time. They had promised they could meet the steep timeline at the beginning of the process, however it required a ridiculous invasion of our financial records, which we have found out is going to now be par for the course when securing a home loan because of the recent changes to the government regulations.

At 9 a.m. Dec. 5 we drove to Bellevue, Washington, on the east side of Seattle, to the title company to sign the papers. I was excited, this being my first home purchase! Aaron was stressed as all get-out and was "done with the whole process" because of all the back and forth with securing the loan.  It seriously started to become a full-time job for him, our financial advisors, bank and Realtor. We sat down in a conference room and were rushed through signing the title documents so they could get it to a courier to drive it down to the county we were moving to in order to file the papers that same day. We kept getting interrupted by a women telling us we needed to hurry up and sign everything, which was super annoying. At the end of the paper signing there was no "congratulations" or hand shake or giving us the keys, just that someone should call us around 5 or 6 p.m. that evening confirming that everything was filed.

As we got in the elevator I started to tear up and was attempting to have my tear ducts re-absorb my tears back into my eyes, but it wasn't working. Aaron hugged me and apologized that the whole process was so stressful. Tears streaming down my face the elevator door opened on the first floor to some huge company having their Christmas party in the lobby with caterers and a barista (Hello - it is Seattle) and there were tons of people looking at me with my puffy, red eyes as Aaron held my hand as walked through the parking lot to the truck. We sat in Aaron's truck and I was able to catch my breath and my sadness turned to frustration at the title document lady for not being more hospitable. Aaron started the truck and put it into reverse to back out of the parking space and nothing happened....the truck went nowhere. Side note:  If you know Aaron you know that he knows the tire pressure in all of his tires at all times and takes AMAZING care of his truck. Confused, he put it back in park and then in reverse again and pressed on the gas and the truck didn't move, it was as if he had put it in neutral. I could actually hear the sound of his blood pressure rising by the millisecond, as he turned the car off and tried the sequence again. We both could clearly hear that the transmission was not turning over into reverse, it would go into drive, park and neutral but not reverse. He immediately cut the steering wheel, told me to stay in the car, and began pushing his truck out of the parking spot.

Meanwhile I am trying to be positive and attempting to make up some car malfunction that would be cheaper to fix than needing a new transmission, and that clearly was NOT helping. He jumped back into the car and I immediately pulled out my iPhone looking for the nearest Chevy dealership. As luck would have it there was one less than a mile away so we drove in silence as the automated voice told us to make a few turns and we pulled into the dealership . We walked into the service center at which point the service guy asked us "how are you doing today?" to which Aaron said, "Not great, I just bought a house 5 minutes ago, my wife is upset by the process, and I think my transmission just went out." They were able to look at his truck that day and they called Enterprise Rent-a-Car for us and roughly 20 minutes later we found ourselves driving a Ford Focus to Denny's of Bellevue to get something to eat and have a chance to sit down and comprehend the morning. We needed to go home to finish packing for our honeymoon for which our flight took off at 8 the next morning.

Around 2 they called and said the best thing would be to get a new transmission. He would have a 100,000 mile warranty on it, and at $3,500 vs $2,900 it was a better value that just trying to fix part of the transmission. At this point we are like "OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN!" The Chevy dealership said it was fine if we picked up the truck when we got back from Maui in 10 days and we left it at that.

We had an amazing honeymoon in which we didn't think about our upcoming move, the truck or anything else. We enjoyed going whale watching, sitting by the pool and beach, attending luaus and enjoying $5 Bloody Mary happy hours at the pool every day.
After getting back from Maui we had planned two days later to drive the 10 hours to Montana to spend the holidays with Aaron's parents and so we unpacked our bathing suits and shorts and repacked, including things like long-underwear and multiple pairs of gloves and scarfs.

In January we were extremely excited to move out of Seattle and into the 'burbs' where we could have 2,400 square feet of house, beautiful tall fur trees and be able to have a conversation without our neighbors hearing us and inserting their opinions like they were included in the convo. The town of Gig Harbor is an old-timey fishing village that is surrounded by  Puget Sound on almost every side. We are not beachfront by any means but we enjoy a nice ocean breeze from time to time and a peek-a-boo water view from our bedroom.

The movers came on Jan. 9 to pack all our things and stack our boxes to the ceiling and returned on Jan 10 to load the truck and follow me to the new house. Aaron had to be at one of his facilities that day. We parked our cars out of the way of the moving truck so they could pull right up and connect their ramp to the front porch of the house. The movers got all our boxes into the house and beds set up by around 4 p.m., with somewhat minimal scratching of our newly painted walls.

At this time we took a deep breath and looked at the large tasks in front of us of UNPACKING, ugh! We both realized there was so much work to be done and we had no food in the house. Since Aaron works from home 50 percent of the time, his priority was getting his home office set up ASAP. I had no energy to get back in the car and go to the grocery store for the basic staples but with encouragement from my husband and minor amount of whining on my part I took my car and went to Safeway to get Chinese food from the prepared food section, bread, milk, flour tortillas and shredded taco cheese because those are our staples. When I returned from the store it was pouring rain and windy so I pulled all the way into the driveway and as close to the front door as I could get so as not to get wet. Even though the Seattle/Tacoma area is known for rain, it rarely rains hard enough that requires a raincoat or umbrella. Since I had no idea which box my additional sweatshirts were in and the suitcase I had packed with a few days of necessities was blocked by the MANY boxes just unloaded by the movers. I unloaded the groceries, organized the Chinese food at the coffee table in the living room, we ate, and then continued to unpack until roughly 11. As we went to bed I noticed how nice it was to hear the patter of rain on the roof and the breeze in the trees. In our old house our bedroom was in the basement and it was like being in a room on a cruise ship with no port-hole and if you didn't have a clock next to your bed you would have no idea what time of day it was.

We slept great that night and Aaron woke up like clockwork at 7:30 on Saturday morning. The wind and rain had stopped and I was lying in bed enjoying my view of the beautiful green trees surrounding our house.  From all of the windows in our house you look out and all you see is green - it's awesome. It was so quiet in the house until I heard "HOLY S&#%!"and "F*#% Me!" coming from just outside our bedroom door. To be quite honest this didn't even startle me because of the other profanities that had been yelled over the last few days. Aaron ran back into our bedroom yelling that there was a tree laying across our driveway and he immediately picked up his cell phone and ran outside. This made sense since it was windy and there were little tiny trees and brush all over our yard. I got up and looked out the window and was completely blown away with what I saw.

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This was not just "a tree." This was one of the largest trees on our property. I went outside to see this massive tree laying next to my car, Aaron's truck, our 19-foot camping trailer, the beautiful rhododendrons lining the inside of our driveway, and the house, all of which had escaped without a scratch. Aaron was already on the phone calling tree removal people as it had blocked both our cars in, making it impossible for us to leave. I grabbed my camera and started clicking away. Aaron was able to reach one tree removal company on a Saturday morning. The owner, Brett, said his crew was on another job that day in Tacoma, but said he would come over himself, so we could at least get our cars out of the driveway. He arrived within a few hours and we ran outside to greet him. (Also, before he arrived we had Home Depot delivering out new washing and dryer). Brett took one step out of his Jeep Liberty and had a huge smile on his face. He was like "this was not at all I was expecting when you said you had a single tree laying across your driveway." He observed the relation to our cars, our new house and camping trailer at which point he said "MAN, you hit the jackpot!!!" He apologized for only bringing one chainsaw with him and that his crew wasn't available today and he immediately got to work cutting up the large rounds in the pouring rain while Megan, his girlfriend and business partner, was keeping the car warm.

We unpacked and watched over the next 2-3 hours while he cut up this 105-foot fur tree. All of a sudden we heard the doorbell ring and it was Megan saying that Brett had taken a wood chip to the eye and had scratched his eye pretty bad and she was going to take him to urgent care and have his crew come back from their other job to finish up at our house. I already felt bad that he was out there in the pouring rain cutting up and hauling heavy logs, missing watching one of the Seahawks play-off games on TV, and now I felt even worse.  We said "don't worry about it, just take care of yourself!" and they pulled out of the driveway. We again said "OF COURSE" this would happen!

imagejpeg_0Fifteen minutes later another ring at the doorbell and it was Brett. He had removed the wood chip  himself as they pulled into the urgent care parking lot and was OK to finish the job. We smiled and were overly appreciative of his help, kindness, and only charging us $100 to clear the driveway and cut up the tree. We had already established a relationship with this company before we even moved because we had already observed at least 5 trees on our property that were leaving on or near the house that we wanted to have cut down. If you had given me 10 guesses as to which trees would have fallen in a wind storm the tree that fell would not have been on that list so we got incredibly lucky. Bret finished clearing the driveway and we made an appointment for them to come back the next day to give us a quote on the other trees we wanted removed.

The next morning Brett and Megan showed up and all four of us walked around the property and they educated us about the trees native to this area and what we actually had sitting on our property. I forgot to mention that the home owner before the flippers was a guy who walked away from the house and let it go to hell in a hand basket and apparently used to just throw trash in the back yard because it quote "made the animals happy" despite MANY of the neighbors complaining. The brush is so overgrown that the ground can never dry out and the tree roots get so saturated they just breakdown. Apparently the roots of 100-foot fur trees do not spread out at all and are not very wide so can easily be compromised in a wind and rain storm, especially when there is a lot of brush and smaller trees compromising the root structure and hogging all the nutrients. A positive outcome of this is that Bret and Megan are so nice, around our age, and only live about 15 minutes away and through talking with them we have found we have a lot in common. Brett and Aaron have already bonded over hunting and outdoor stories to which Brett responded "oh darn, I guess we are going to have to be friends."

Overall we learned A LOT during this entire process. I have learned the importance of not letting the process of moving stress you out. It can be REALLY hard to do that for some people (my husband) but can be done because it is what it is and eventually a long time from now we will think, "Hey, remember when we bought our first home?"

What's your moving story? Share it with us at diane@dianelaneyfitzpatrick.com.

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If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Changing the House You Love

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When my husband and I were house-hunting here in San Francisco, I talked him into looking at this huge, old Victorian mansion. It was a historic landmark and was where the  head of the Church of Latter Day Saints died in the late 1800s. The place was technically in our price range, but it needed a new roof, all new windows, new electrical, and it had about four too many sinks. There were sinks in the most unexpected corners of formal rooms. It also had carved wood paneling, a back staircase, secret passageways and a bunch of fireplaces.

Needless to say, I wanted that house. And I wanted it bad. I could see us doing a blog/book/reality show about our renovations of the house and ensuing divorce and/or spousal aggravated homicide. We could start out on HGTV and then move right to Snapped: Women Who Kill and then a guest spot on Orange is the New Black. Seemed like a savvy business move to me.

Needless to also say, we didn't buy that house. My husband and our Realtor conspired against me and told me to get a grip on reality, and not the show kind.  So we bought the next best thing: A smaller, slightly newer, better maintained Edwardian house with an appropriate number of sinks and only one that needed to be replaced.

We started renovations immediately. Now, eight months after my move into this house, I am starting to see that even this simpler renovation is creating so much chaos and upheaval, I can't imagine how I could have coped with anything larger.

We've already completed some major projects, including having hardwood installed on three staircases, and painting the exterior of the house. Currently, we are having the kitchen gutted and redone, including a small addition, as well as four rooms in the top floor painted. The top floor also got some new electrical and new wet-bar improvements. Next up: Renovating the master bathroom and having the rest of interior painted.

All of this got me to thinking: How many people move into a house and make major changes in it, just months after moving in?  Moving seems to naturally precede renovating or - at the very least - redecorating. If you bought a house and loved every single thing about it, including the color of every wall, you probably bought the house for all the wrong reasons. Even if you love, love, love that house that you just bought, it won't be long before you want to start making changes.

Not all home renovations are smart. According to HGTV's Homekeeping, there are at least 25 big mistakes you can make when renovating your home. Things like buying cheap materials, inaccurate measurements, avoiding permits and skipping prep are shortcuts that you'll most likely regret. Mistakes like going too trendy and ignoring your home's style are usually made by first-time home-buyers who can't see past their visions of a dream house.

One of the big 25 mistakes is failure to anticipate chaos. "I see this time and time again where people just start, and they think they're going to pull a piece of wallpaper off, and by the time the process is over, they've completely gotten themselves into a deep, dark hole that's very difficult to get out of," adds Eric Stromer of Over Your Head.

That "deep, dark hole" is a familiar place for me. Our home renovations projects have consistently been more complicated, more expensive and more chaotic than we ever expected. But let's face it: If we knew how chaotic home renovation would be, we might not tackle it in the first place.

That big Victorian mansion with all the sinks? It was bought by someone. We drove past it a few weeks ago and saw that the windows had been replaced and the exterior was painted. Who knows what other gorgeous improvements have been made on the inside. Or maybe that's where the chaos is going on. I'd love to knock on the door and offer an encouraging word. And offer them my spot on This Old House.


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If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.



Saturday, February 8, 2014

An Army Brat Who Wrote the Book on Military Life



I've been reading up on military families and all that they endure, not least of all the frequent moves. A US serviceman or servicewoman's family moves about every three years, and children from military families move an average of 10 times during their childhoods.
That's a lot of being the "new kid."

I know from my own experiences that when my kids were going to their new school on their first day, I felt like my heart was being torn out. I wanted to drive alongside the bus and follow them from class to class, making sure they were OK. Knowing that would never fly, I stayed home and picked my cuticles and watched the clock. I don't know who was more relieved after the first-day stress was over - me or them.

My kids have had to do that way too much. And military kids find themselves there even more often.

Organizations like the National Military Family Association has programs that help the children of military families adjust to new towns, new schools, and parent deployments. But it's still not easy for military brats, knowing the next reassignment is right around the corner.

Author Christine Kriha Kastner of Cleveland, Ohio, has a different version of this story in her memory banks. By the time her father retired from the US Army, Christine and her family had moved 14 times. One of their homes was in Okinawa, where Christine formed lifelong friendships. She returned to her old school and wrote a book about it.  Soldiering On - Finding My Homes: Memoir of an Army Brat tells of Christine's time as an American child in Japan and her memorable return visit there as an adult to reconnect with old friends and classmates.

Living in 15 different homes and going to 10 different schools could make Christine and other military brats feel sorry for themselves. But Christine saw it all as an adventure. You won't find any whining or complaining in her book.

As a frequently-moving military brat, I can tell you that our moves were mostly fun—for us kids—but probably not so for my mother!  We lived in 15 different houses by the time my father retired from the Army.  For military families, moving arrangements were dictated to us, and we were used to following orders.  The packers showed up.  We had to be ready.  No excuses.

Sometimes we had to sort belongings to send off to permanent storage while we lived overseas.  Every move involved weight limits and Mom was always “purging” our belongings.  We never knew if something was off in storage or had been given away.  The best part about returning to the States was when the stuff from storage was delivered back.  It was so much fun to rediscover past treasures—toys and games and books that had been stashed in those boxes for all those years—that Mom had not tossed after all.  It was like Christmas all over again!

Learn more about Christine and Soldiering On - Finding My Homes: Memoir of an Army Brat at http://christine-kriha-kastner.com.

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If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.


Thursday, January 30, 2014

Moving as Seen Through the Eyes of a 4-Year-Old



Wendy from Charlotte, North Carolina, has moved around a lot, but she knows that a move with little children presents its own set of issues. Putting your possessions on a big truck and moving them to a different house: As adults, we know what a huge undertaking that is. To kids, it's almost too much to comprehend.

Here's a cute story from Wendy's family's move in Ohio:

When we relocated from Hubbard to Westerville, Ohio, we took the three kids with us to the closing, and the owners gracefully allowed us to walk through, so the kids could see where we were going to live.

Our youngest was 4, just two months from turning 5.  The house was in upheaval, just as our present home was, with packed boxes stacked everywhere.  Matt, then 7, asked where we were going to put "our" stuff. I explained to Matt and Robin, 4, that this family was moving to another home and taking all their stuff with them, so the house would be completely empty and ready for us to move in with our stuff. That all our boxes would go in a big truck and the truck would deliver it all safely to us.  My explanation was well thought out and executed, and I thought they really understood.

On moving-in day, we arrived later than the movers and they had already begun unloading the garage stuff into the driveway.  Robin said to her brother, "Look, Matt! They have a bike just like yours!"  She still hadn't understood!

Moral of the story, no matter how well we try to prepare them, young children just can't comprehend moving into a new home.

I can relate to this story, as I'm sure most of you can. When I was preparing to move from Cleveland to Virginia with our 4-year-old, he was visibly upset about the move until I reassured him that we were taking everything.  "Everything?" he asked. "Everything!" I emphasized. 

"Are we taking this wall?" he asked. 


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If you like Diane's humorous take on moving, you'll love her book Home Sweet Homes: How Bundt Cakes, Bubble Wrap, and My Accent Helped Me Survive Nine Moves.